Goodbye, Grady

Last night, I had to make the hard decision to put down our dog, Grady.  I hope it doesn't seem weird to post about the experience, but so many good things happened, too, that I wanted to remember it.

It was all very fast.  Thursday night we came home and he wasn't acting right.  Just seemed strange to me.  Mid-evening he was standing in living room and he just started crying while he was trying to walk.  I got on the floor to try to figure out what was wrong.  He had a large bulge on one side, toward the tail end.  It was very hard.  Grady laid down on the floor and I massaged it, and it went away!  I thought maybe he was just having some really bad gas (he's known to have some of that!).  I gave him a Tums, and we also took him for a walk hoping to move things along.  He seemed fine after that.

Friday morning I was in the kitchen making lunches and he came in but he was moving very slowly again.  No outcries of pain, but he didn't move unless he had to.  He always follows me around everywhere so that was out of character.  I gently lifted him from that area that was distended the previous night, and he yelped in pain.  I had to go to school, so I called my neighbor who is out of work right now and asked him if he would look in on Grady through the day.  He texted me twice during the day to say he appeared to be fine.  I made an appointment for him at the vet anyway.

I got home and Grady was outside.  He trotted over to me when he saw me, and I almost cancelled the appointment.  But then I lifted him from the same spot again, and he yelped.  Then he rolled on his back for a belly rub, and when I applied pressure he groaned loudly.  I knew I needed to take him in.

I had noticed that he had lost some weight--when we took him last weekend for a nail trim the harness was really loose.  Unusual for a basset.  When we got to the vet, I found out he had lost 11 pounds!  Nothing in food routine had changed, so that was the first bad sign.  The second one came when the doc listened to his heart.  He had a heart murmur he had never had before.  The vet took him for x rays.

The doc brought him back with the films, and he said right away that it didn't look good.  He was so thorough in explaining everything to me, and I am grateful.  He showed me that there was a large tumor on his left side (the same place where the bulge was the evening prior).  It had pushed all of his intestines to the other side of his body!  The doc said that it could be benign, but these kind of tumors had a much higher possibility of being malignant (like 1 in 4).  The options were to have an ultrasound to determine if the tumor had affected the liver (which can't be seen in xray) and then possibly surgery, but the doc said he didn't think the results would be good.  He told me his family had a pet with the very same thing, except their dog showed no signs of pain or anything.  They had discovered the tumor from feeling it.  They decided to wait it out, and in about 30 days the dog collapsed and couldn't function and they put him down.  Grady was in the "going to collapse" phase.  There was no way I could have Kendra going through that---seeing him in horrible pain.  Just the one day had her a basket-case.

I am so grateful to God for his foresight and planning in everything.  So many things happened that were such a comfort.  First, Kendra was with her friend H, whose mom is my friend who teaches with me.  They had planned a sleepover earlier in the week for this night anyway, so she was already with people who loved her.  She told me on Friday morning that she was so glad the sleepover was planned because she really didn't want to go to the vet with me.  When I had to make the decision to put him down, I had to call Kendra.  It was one of the hardest things I've had to do as a mom.  Some might wonder why I didn't just let her have the fun night and tell her later, but I KNEW I had to give her the option of saying goodbye.  I couldn't make that decision for her.  At first she said she wanted to come, but then within a minute she changed her mind.  She thought it would be harder on her if she came (btw, that was my gut instinct, too, but I had to let her decide).  My friend was so amazing with her.  This is my friend whose daughter passed away three years ago---she knows loss and grief, and she knew exactly what to do for Kendra.  I told Kendra I would come get her right away if she wanted, but she actually decided that staying would help distract her.  I was completely good with that decision, too.

I held it together in the office.  I hugged Grady, told him what a good boy he was, said Kendra loved him, and said goodbye.  I paid for the visit at the desk, walked to my car, and lost it.  I called my sister immediately and cried to her on the phone.  Then an amazing thing happened...my sister saw a rainbow, right after I told her.

My friend texted me with Kendra's progress through the night and more amazing things happened.  First, she told me that she had told Kendra that Alexa (her daughter who died) was going to be happy to have Grady come.  That made Kendra really happy.  Then later, Crys told me that not very long ago, she had had a dream about Alexa.  In the dream, Alexa kept saying, "Mommy, a puppy!  Mommy, look at the doggie!"  That also comforted Kendra so much (and made me bawl like a baby again, right now as I type).

Last night was so strange---it is going to take some time to get used to not having someone around to pick up the crumbs and to bug you for your scraps, get underfoot, and slobber all over you.  I have no doubt that it will be hard for Kendra when she comes home today.  I also have no doubt that we will not be dog-less long.  My girl has a huge heart for doggies, and we can't leave that space empty.

Grady was sometimes the bane of my existence.  He drove me nuts with the begging and the slobber, but he really was a very good dog.  Here are some things we will want to remember about him.

--He was SO obedient.  If he got in the front yard, we didn't have to worry.  He came back when we called.
--He was really smart.  Sometimes I'd say something to him and he'd respond in the absolutely appropriate manner---and it was not something he should have understood.  Example:  One night I said something along the lines of  "Grady you should go take a look and see what's going on out there" (back yard).  He got up from his bed and walked outside.  None of those words are the norm!
--He understood routine.  He got a treat before bed and laid right down on his bed next to mine every single night since the first day we got him.  He never let me forget the treat!
--He loved us so much.  He followed me around the house always.  He had to be in the room I was in.
--He loved anybody who would pet him.  He thought the whole world wanted to pet him, too.  On walks, he only pull on my arm if there was someone coming--because surely they wanted to pet him!
--He was not very athletic...at all. On walks he'd start out walking ahead of me and very soon he would be behind!  He was known to just plop down in the middle of the sidewalk and expect to have a nap!
--He was a big fan of comfort.  If there was a blanket, it had his name on it.  He had three dog beds in our small house!
--He was kind.  I never, ever, EVER had to worry about him hurting a small child, or anybody for that matter.  He never jumped (probably because his short legs didn't allow it) and didn't lick (and I hate dogs licking me!)
--He was such a good traveler!  We go to Michigan for a month and we drive there.  Grady just hung out with Kendra in the back seat and you almost didn't know he was there!  He would chill in the hotel rooms and was just so great.  He also loved visiting Michigan.  Of course, my mom spoiled him rotten with food and he came back 10 pounds heavier, but he loved the trip for other things, too!  :-)
--While he looked sad all the time, he was one happy dude.  His tail was ALWAYS wagging.  ALWAYS.  And we often laughed at it, because it wagged in a circular motion--much like a helicopter.  He wagged up until the very end...even though he was probably in significant pain.  It was another reason I almost didn't take him in to the vet.  Loved that waggy tail!

We're going to miss you, buddy!  Have fun with Alexa!